“The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties”

After 25 years I have been faced with a few challenges, personally and professionally. Resilience has become a highly discussed topic in the last 10-years. To me it’s simply how people work through and overcome difficulties - and - life is full of them.

But what are difficulties? It depends on age. A three-year-old is challenged by sitting still on the mat and having to listen to a teacher. A 10-year old is challenged if they fail a maths test. A young mother is challenged if she can’t successfully breastfeed. A teenager not making the A grade sports team? Getting a divorce? Your mother dying? A business owner going into receivership? An executive not getting the promotion? A banker not landing the deal? Being late for a meeting? Missing a deadline?

In my years as a manager and a parent, people (little and big) look to me to see how I react to unexpected challenges or trauma. I’ve always seen the glass as half full and I think keeping positive in the face of adversity is critical.

So what makes some people more resilient than others? I believe genes play a part. Some people are born with an innate ability to remain calm and cool-headed in the face of change or a crisis.

Studies have been conducted to determine what makes some people more adaptable and the most significant determinant of resilience is the quality of our close personal relationships, especially parents. Early attachments to parents play a crucial, lifelong role in human adaptation. Further long-term studies showed that the first 20 years of life are especially critical. Different traumas at different ages have their own impacts on our perceptions, interpretations, and how we react.

As a leader of young people carving out their early careers, my aim is to always impart calm and a considered reaction when something unexpected occurs. Mistakes will inevitably be made and a reaction to them develops resilience, so it can be learned, and what better way to teach than by example. Part of working life and skill-building comes from exposure to all kinds of experiences, some of them more challenging than others.

This brings me to motherhood. As a mother, I have been faced with many, many challenges and even though my children are now grown, there are still challenges, but we face them together. When faced with what is an insurmountable problem or crisis it’s important to focus on the here and now. I call it “survival mode”. It plays out like this; don’t focus on what you cannot control - get through it by taking it step by step, little by little, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day because “This to will pass”

Realistic optimism and social connectedness are key tools. Resilient people don’t dwell on the negative, they look for opportunities even in the darkest of situations.

So here is a list of my toolbox for resilience:

1. Have a positive, realistic outlook, don’t dwell on the negative.

2. Be guided by your moral compass and a solid sense of what is right and wrong.

3. Believe in something greater than yourself.

4. Be altruistic; have a genuine concern for your team and others.

5. Accept the things you cannot change and focus your energy on what you can change.

6. Be bold and look for opportunities even in the face of adversity.

7. Have a purpose and be committed to it.

8. Nurture and embrace your social support system, however small it may be, because you can’t go it alone.

For some inspiration listen to Ben Crowe, Ash Barty’s mindset coach; he sums things up very eloquently in this ABC podcast.